Are you a good listener? Do you look people in the eyes when they are talking to you? Do you retain important parts of conversation without taking notes? Are you able to absorb advice and comments and use them to your advantage?
Many of us are poor listeners because we either try to multitask in our heads during meetings (and the like), or we simply don’t understand the fundamentals of successful communication.
Listening to others should be more important to you than expressing your own concerns. On the selfish side of things – you already know your own opinions, and you can only stand to gain from learning about what others think.
Consider this: You are at a meeting with two or three associates – all who have something to say. Do you think each person is concerned about what you have to say, really? The sad truth is that most of us naturally just want to express ourselves. It takes a bit of discipline to react otherwise.
You may need to fight for their attention – even if you wait your turn to speak. So try stepping back and really observing the scene. Look each guy in the eye while he is speaking. Take notes if you have to but make them brief. Give him your full attention and try to block out any of your own distracting thoughts.
Most of us are more concerned about looking smart when it is our turn to speak. A fake-ish way to go about looking like a good listener is to kind of just remember one aspect of what someone said. Like that they have a heart condition or their favorite color is red. Sales people use this tactic, but it is pretty transparent.
Its natural to form an opinion after you hear someone else make a statement. And it’s natural to take that opinion and run with it (in your head). But doing that forces you to ignore the rest of the person’s statements.
Your own judgments and opinions of people as well as your need to think about chat YOU are going to say next ( if asked a question) will distract you from gaining the most out of meetings, classes, lectures and even conversations with Mom.
Good listeners will not only improve their own intellect by absorbing the knowledge of others – but they will create stronger relationships with everyone in their lives.
You need to be a good listener in order to establish lasting bonds with clients, family and business partners.
Start by shutting up until you are asked a direct question. Practice direct eye contact, no fiddling with pens or Blackberrys. Clear your mind and take brief notes (if you need to).
Be conscious of times when your mind wanders and force yourself to snap back. You will see that it’s easy to drift.
But if you are aware of the need to listen and you begin trying to improve those skills now – it can only benefit you in the future.
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