“Happiness Expectations” Will Suck The Life Out of YOU
What are “Happiness Expectations”? They are those things that you tell yourself that you currently don’t have, and the only way that you can be happy and content is when you attain them.
Why should there be conditionals on happiness? Why should you have to attain certain sales figures with your company or make that amazing breakthrough with your project in order to feel good? Why should happiness be something that comes about only under certain, “ideal”, circumstances in your life? Why are you waiting for it?
We’ve Been Fooled
We’ve been conditioned in so many ways that we’ve lost track of “why.” Through enculturation. Through the media. Through television / movies. Through business leaders. Through you name it. We’ve been told (re: taught) that in order to be happy in life we need to make a lot of money, live in that big house, be esteemed by all, or have that amazing company that everyone knows about.
But we’ve been tricked. We’ve been fed a bunch of garbage and many of us took the bait. We’ve told ourselves that unless we reach certain goals, we can’t allow ourselves to feel successful and be at peace with our present circumstances.
What if I were to tell you that happiness and success lies within you, at all times? It’s there, but we unknowingly lock it up and only allow it to shine through on particular moments — those “special” days. What if I were to tell you that you can have those special moments 24/7 if you really wanted to?
We’ve Raped Success
We’ve abused, raped, and totally destroyed the word “successful.” We’ve taken that word and and covered it with a bunch of pretty sparkling — “bling bling” — stickers: money, fame, cars, mansions, blah…blah… blah.. Well I won’t be a subscriber to that butchered, status-quo, concept of success.
Success is Simple
Because success is quite simple. If you wake up in the morning, live your passion second by second, and truly appreciate life for what it is, right now, then you are successful my friend. Success will not be defined — and limited — by material objects and social status. Success will be “EXPERIENCED” by how you feel right now — what you’re thinking / doing right now.
Remove All Conditions
Happiness and Success need no conditions to come about. Shatter those walls that are imprisoning that inner joy. Your company, your projects, your passions, your friends, your family, your ideas, and your entire life…. should never be used as means to “bring” you happiness and success because when you turn these things into “tools” you are marginalizing them, belittling them, and really taking them for granted. Enjoy life.
16 Comments
lawrence
October 11th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
not to be rude or crass in the least bit…
but what you said is what ‘losers’ tell themselves, to make them feel reassured and retain self-confidence
in the real world, the business world - success is only defined by colors…to be not in the red(debt), but into the black(profitability)
…that’s the reality of it
David Askaripour
October 11th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
hey lawrence. thanks for your response. i can’t agree with you about how “losers” think because who am i to decide who a “loser” is? your world is real only to “you” — we each have different realities.
Josiah
October 11th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
You’ve put this very well, Dave, and the most successful people I’ve met would agree with you completely.
“If you wake up in the morning, live your passion second by second, and truly appreciate life for what it is, right now, then you are successful my friend.”
Right on. That is NOT a loser mentality.
David Askaripour
October 12th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Thanks Josiah
2007-10-13 Saturday Links Folder : Freelance Folder
October 13th, 2007 at 4:31 am
[...] “Happiness Expectations” Will Suck The Life Out of YOU [...]
Michael Martine
October 13th, 2007 at 9:23 am
People make up excuses and lie to themselves in order to perpetuate comfortable but self-destructive habits and thinking. That may not be Lawrence’s definition of a loser, but I find such simple (and pejorative) labels such as loser useless. Thinking of another person as a loser doesn’t help them or me in any way.
What I find interesting is that the easiest success I have ever achieved was after I re-engineered my life and went freelance — whether you call it “lifestyle design” or “reality bending” doesn’t matter. Not only do I feel happier and more fulfilled, but making plenty of money has become absurdly easy. Years ago, I never would have believed it.
Great blog, here! I discovered it via Freelance Folder.
shane
October 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Hey David,
Very good article. I wrote an article on this topic a few weeks ago and got reamed (Family. Friends Finance. Fitness. Faith.). Though my defectors were coming form a different angle than lawrence.
I have to say - I agree with Lawrance. Business is like basketball, we have a score and you measure the success of your business by the score.
That said if you allow your business to be the reason for your happiness rather than the vehicle that is supposed to take you to where you want to go in your life, then you are in for a roller coaster of an emotional adventure.
Business is only one small part of the equation.
David Askaripour
October 13th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Michael, thanks for your comment. Excellent, it seems like your business, passions, and life are in harmony and you have reached a point where money is coming to you easily — that’s great and I’m glad that you were able to reach that level. The key, here, is happiness, and since you have it, anything is possible.
David Askaripour
October 13th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Shane, thanks for your comment. I see what you are saying, but who creates the “score”? You see, each one of us have created our own score cards, and I can be scoring off the charts in happiness and comfort and someone else, based upon “their” score charts can score me a 0 because I haven’t “made it” in their eyes and my bank account isn’t large enough. There is no universal score cards, there are those that are socially constructed and I refuse to base my score card upon the status quo of “business.”
Ginger
October 15th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Hello David,
What if your passion doesn’t pay the bills? I’m all for doing what makes you happy, however writing a book and waiting ten years to become published (if it becomes published at all) won’t keep your electricity on. What would you say to someone who had their own business and it went bankrupt? I’ve always heard “do what you love and the money will come” which may be true but not always fast enough to keep your car from getting reposessed. Success to me is having quality time with your kids, a nice home, two dependable cars, retirement, good insurance, a couple of great vacations a year and to pay your bills with a some cash left over. I don’t need my house to be on “Cribs” to feel successful. I think that’s what most people aspire to and it is their definition of success. My definition is simple but even that is hard to acquire. Loved the article. I pray it happens to me.
Adam
October 15th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Dave,
Couldn’t agree more with you on this one, and I’m a bit surprised by the response. Check out this “Success and Happiness” post I did a while back where I cited a few different studies here
I also read an interview with Bill Gates a while back and they asked him when he was happiest. He said he was happiest in the beginning when they were building Microsoft: before the money and before the fame.
Your message is great, keep writing.
Adam
David Askaripour
October 15th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Hey Ginger,
Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your thoughts with Mind Petals. You are right, we do need money to have certain levels of “material” comforts in this world — food for kids, cars, home, etc… we live in such a society that these needs are unavoidable and necessary — which, to some degree, is unfortunate and sad. But that is our reality; we are living in a concrete jungle and have stopped depending on the Earth in so many ways. Suffice to say, you have the right mindset. You look at money as a way to escape financial restraints, not as a tool for “happiness.” We can ALWAYS find happiness through anything, even without money. We just need to know where to look for it — it’s always within us. You’re going to be just fine. I wish you all the success in the world. Please keep in touch. Peace, D
David Askaripour
October 15th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Hey Adam,
Thanks so much for the support, appreciate that! Yeah, I’m not surprised about what Gates said.
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October 19th, 2007 at 4:47 am
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