Cockiness vs. Confidence
A successful entrepreneur once told me that if I want to make it as a business woman, my very presence would need to command respect. He also stated that to him, respect meant fear. I saw his point and agreed with him to some degree – but I told him that I didn’t want people to fear me.
This same guy has a really cocky air about him. He’s the kind of person that you will definitely notice. He says it doesn’t matter whether people like you, what matter is that they pay you. For them to pay you must think strictly of business and forget pleasantries. Many people actually think this guy is a jerk — while others look up to him. Most of the people who know him, fear him at least a little bit.
He doesn’t agree that I will reach my full potential by doing occasional pro-bono work, and befriending my clients and partners. He says I’m soft.
Business is business and it requires all of us to put on a serious face and make demands from time to time. Some of our moves may need to be more aggressive than others. Even a person who is gentle by nature, like me, can make serious demands and decisions in a respectable way. Without strutting our stuff or trying to frighten others away.
Is it possible to be taken seriously, and make money, while still being kind to people?
After several years of seriously building my business – I further understand what he was trying to teach me. We cannot afford to be taken advantage of, and if people fear us, we don’t have to worry about that. But then again, if we don’t have any truly loyal customers, clients or partners we can fail at any moment. It seems to me that people who ACT like big shots are usually hiding something. And frankly, I choose not to work with people who don’t treat me well. But, what if we KNEW how good we were, KNEW that we were irreplaceable and portrayed that image?
I believe that confidence can be displayed in as many different ways as there are types of people. We need to command respect in our own ways. And, if we’re doing what we love, this usually coincides with the type of business that we run. Confidence and respect feed off of one another, and we build on them as our business grows. But, cockiness is one sided.
The old entrepreneur definitely had a useful lesson — demand respect. But, cockiness reflects a disrespect of others — including your clients. I’m still weighing the value of his theories. What do you think? Does cockiness pay off sometimes?
11 Comments
David Askaripour
July 5th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a bit of a Machiavellian. There’s a fine line between fear and respect. I think fear lies in respect to some degree. Fear of not wanting to disappoint someone or not wanting to lose your job or not wanting to offend someone. I’d much rather be loved than feared. But in reality / society, that’s not always the case. Think about it, most tech nerds would fear Bill Gates in some capacity or another. They may not want to offend him by saying they use a Mac to his face. Why, because they respect him.
Victor Fuentes
July 5th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
I feel there is no need for cockiness or having people fear you. I feel that if you respect others and have confidence in yourself then there is no need for cockiness or putting fear in people. Naturally, your presence will be felt and respected.
I think that cockiness comes from a place where you feel you are above other people and put them down. I know I’m no better at anything than anybody else and that nobody is better than me at anything. It all depends how you apply yourself. Some choose to apply themselves to this; others to that.
If you treat all people with respect, you should expect the gesture to be reciprocated. Generally, most will. If not, then you don’t want to do business with then anyway…that’s my view anyway.
lawrence
July 5th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
that fellow who gave you that advice is right on the money, i’d say - i fully agree with him.
if you’re stompable, people can tell - and will walk over you.
business in general, isn’t for the faint of heart, or personality.
look at the top echelon, the top 1% of the business world…usually they are characters who don’t deserve respect…but they Command it.
lawrence
July 5th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
lol - i think Kid Rock said it best, in his song, “Cocky”: they say i’m cocky - what…it ain’t braggin’ mutha f*cka if you could back it up
Danny
July 6th, 2007 at 1:16 am
cockyness is a mindset that is necessary to be the best. Deion Sanders called himself “Primetime” when he was in high school before he did anything great. Muhammad Ali said “It’s hard to be humble, when you’re as great as I am.”
Muhammad Ali
Gina Laverde
July 6th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Thanks for all of your responses.
I’d rather be loved than feared. But, I agree that people can see through a weak demeanor. People WILL walk all over you if they can. So, when dealing with these types of people, I need to carry myself in a different manner. If I choose to be around people who do have a cocky air about them, I need to one-up them or it will be a Gina stomping fest. I know how to do this. We can all be cocky at times. However, I no longer willingly put myslef in these situations. I think its something we learn with experience.
In some ways I think that those who we say do not deserve respect — really don’t have it. Yes, maybe we fear them. But, if you think about it, why should you have a fear of another human being?
The bottom line is really to have confidence in yourself. Be comfortable with you. You will be respected by the peple who matter and soon lose contact with the cocy fools of the world.
Orian Marx
July 7th, 2007 at 7:03 pm
wow, I must admit I am a little surprised by the one-sidedness of the comments on this. I think if you want the best counter-arguement out there, you need to read The Radical Edge by Steve Farber (his first book, The Radical Leap is better, but the second deals directly with cockiness).
Gina Laverde
July 9th, 2007 at 11:51 am
Orian,
Thanks for the book suggestion. I am going to check it out to see what you mean.
I am a bit surprised that you found this discussuion to be one sided, when we definitely have one person who is all for using cockiness to achieve his goals, several that don’t find it necessary and many who agree that there is a fine line and a time and place for attitude adjustments.
Orian Marx
July 9th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Looking it over again, the conversation is not one-sided, I think I was reading too fast. I think that from experience my impression has been that in the real world, it is fairly one-sided in favor of cockiness and it doesn’t have to be that way.
Gina
July 9th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Thank you for re-reading. I think one of the most educating aspects of this network is that we don’t all share the same opinions. Some of these opinions may even frustrate us — but then, at the end of the day we learn from them and learn how to live with the folks who have them. I feel myself about to blurt into some Louis Armstrong, “what a wonderful world” Luckily you all can’t hear me.
David Askaripour
July 9th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Cokiness and confidence are very blurry. I think that most people mistake confidence for cokiness. I’m naturally an extremely “confident” person, but some would describe me as cocky. A cocky person isn’t humble. Someone who is confident is humble. Some people think that doctors have a God-complex, but what most people don’t understand that doctors — especially surgeons — must be “extremely confident” if they are actually going to fix someone by cutting into them with a blade. Bottom-line, to become successful you need to be confident in every aspect of the word. You MUST believe in yourself.
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