When Mom and Dad Want More than Just Your Happiness
An entrepreneur’s life is about creating a healthy balance between work and personal relationships – because both are constantly evolving and revolving around us. Work never ends. And, family never ends. So we take our work home and our parents to the office (virtually) every day.
An unhealthy or unsettled relationship with loved ones or family members can
be a serious drain on your business success.
I often mention family relationships (particularly with parents) in my column because I have a lot of experience dealing with the ups and downs of those relationships. I come from a very loving and demanding family – lucky me. But, I’ve helped counsel some less fortunate entrepreneur friends who have even been forced to cut ties from their families in order to live a healthy life — and follow their dreams.
As we are all our parents’ children – we can understand the need to want to make them proud. Or even sort of pay them back for what they’ve given us in life. Or –for giving us life! Mothers especially have earned a kind of ultimate respect and forgiveness award from us. I’ve known some moms who’ve done some pretty outrageous things to their children, and have been met with open arms after the anger settled.
Families who can continue to forgive one another for their mistakes become stronger with time. Strong and healthy families are not the families who never fight – they are the families who accept and overcome each other’s differences.
I am a mother now. And I know that not all of you can relate just yet. However, as a mother of what I consider a healthy family – I can tell you that all a good parent wants is for the happiness of their children.
Moms and dads can get crazy- because we/they are just as human as anyone else. But behind it all, you should feel loved unconditionally by your parents. And they should be showing some effort into accepting who you are.
I know of mothers who actually expect their children to “PAY” them back. It IS impossible to give your parents as much time as they have given you — and still go on to live your own life. To pay your parents back properly is to make the most of yourself and what they’ve given you without losing touch with them.
If you are bringing family problems to work or stressing out about seeing your family for the holidays because you are worried about impending arguments – consider changing the way that you deal with your families expectations and problems.
Sometimes professional counseling can be very helpful. I know – everyone seems to have a shrink these days. But its rare to see someone actually admit they need it.
If your parents can’t apologize for their role in hurting you or can go months without speaking to you – that is a serious problem that cannot be taken lightly. And it is pretty much impossible for this negativity not to affect your business.
Many factors, including mental illness, have contributed to the decision of some of my associates to cut ties with their folks. And doing so has not subtracted the love they have for their moms and dads, but it has given them a better self image and overall healthier life.
Because parents are only human – we cannot expect them to be problem free. But we also cannot carry their baggage through life and work with us each day. If dealing with mom and dad ALWAYS makes you feel more bad than good – please do something about it.
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