Teach Your Parents Well

Wednesday, November 8, 2006 at 01:03pm by Gina Laverde in Life

Ever look at your parents and think — how did I come from them? Those thoughts tend to fade near the end of your twenties – when you realize that you actually may be becoming them.

And if the fear of turning out like your parents scares the bajesus out of you — listen up. There’s things we can’t avoid, okay. We look like them, sometimes sound like them, and can’t get away from our cravings for dad’s barbeque or mom’s spaghetti and meat balls.

Parents make that mark in our lives and can therefore get away with tons of crap. I don’t know if it was Freud or Oprah who said it better, but there’s something inside most of us that makes us want to perpetually please our parents.

It makes sense to want to give back to the people who gave us life and raised us. And, even if you weren’t raised by your parents – you’ve probably forged a strong connection with some older individual who has the power to hold the world over your head.

The relationship between parent and child can be one of the weirdest ever. Because it is a relationship that MUST grow in separation. We must break away (so to speak) in order establish a healthy and successful life.

But nobody is completely unselfish. They’ve made plans for us. Or at least have hopes and dreams. All, for the most part, with OUR best interest in mind.

They’ve changed our diapers and held our head while we puked so it’s kind of hard for them to see us as business men and women – especially in the early stages of our careers. And, especially if we decide to take a less then regular route. Or a route that they’re unfamiliar with.

And we can’t always expect them to comprehend the ways of our world – as they are not actually from it.

So, the teenage feelings that our parents don’t understand us leak into our early careers. Maybe we’re less hostile after high school. Our real world responsibilities and living on our own subtracts fight time with the folks. We can hang out with them for dinner now and then.

But the urge to please is ever present. And I know I myself have felt that I cannot please my parents if I’m not sure what it is they want, and if they don’t know what I am doing.

If we opt not to talk about issues that bother us, and still have a relationship with our folks – we are choosing a pretty shallow relationship. Sometime around age 25 — I think its time for the kids to step up and educate their parents. If you want to avoid inheriting all of their bad traits – you need to begin by learning to face them

We cannot allow them to have unrealistic goals for us. And we can please them without letting them hold the world over our heads.

None of us want them to think that our new business cards are adorable. We want them to think we’re knowledgeable, successful and thrilled with what we do. So don’t give them your card if you expect that type of reaction.

In order to teach your parents about you — you need to step into their shoes for a bit. They need to be conditioned to accept your entrepreneurialism. Give them time. The realization that you’re not going to work for some big corporation and be set for life may make them feel that the college dollars are wasted.

Or, in my case – make them feel maybe they should’ve paid for college (j/k).

Most of our parents just don’t want us to suffer through the same crap they did. So show them examples of your successes. Got an article published? Give it to them. Bring up work in casual conversation and accentuate the fun parts. Add in bits about your “clients.” Having clients sounds ultra professional. I’m serious.

My parents try to ask questions and get info on my career. It’s foreign to them though. I understand that, and feel lucky that they care enough to ask.

Recently, I asked my mom if she knew what I did. She said: Yeah, you write stuff and other people correct it. Then people write stuff and you correct it. And most of it is on the computer. I smiled. My mom’s an entrepreneur herself. She’s run her own day care for 15 years. But the whole cyber business stuff is out of her scope.

It’s our job to show our parents the way of our world – if we care for them to learn it. Maybe they will never fully understand us – and they don’t have to. But taking charge of the communication lines is our best shot at keeping the relationship flowing and feeling like we’re giving back.

This also helps condition us to be more understanding with our own children. And, if you really want to know what you OWE your parents… it’s just that. Do a better job with your own kids. And in your own life.

I know that parent/kid bonds are not only weird, but sometimes seemingly unbearable. Sometimes actually unbearable. Just remember that they’re only human.

And they make damn good spaghetti, right?

3 Comments

Leave a Comment